Not Myself Today

I’m just not myself today.

Not sure who I am – but this is not who I want to be.

I want to “do”.

Instead I sit.

I want to be productive.

Instead I wait.

I want to laugh and smile.

Instead….

Just not myself.

Just wait it out – wait and see

Just put in time – and soon I’ll be

Able to do – able to laugh – able to…

Feel the sun on my face and the wind in my hair

Sing out loud, skip down the lane, play in the leaves…

I want the old me back.  I don’t want to go back – but I want the “lighter” Stacey back.

Some days – like these – can be so dark.

This is not who I want to be

This is not me

This is not me

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About inmycorner

This blog began as an opportunity to tell my Dad's stories. I sat with him and the computer and together we told stories. It was a wonderful way to get to know Dad. He was 9. He and Mom had a wonderful life together and since she passed away a year and a half before him - Dad was ready to join her. I no longer tell his stories but have found stories of my own. The impetus to resume this blog was the discovery that I had stage 4 ovarian cancer. Since blogging had been so therapeutic for my dad and I to get through our grief, I felt maybe this would be a good outlet to process my situation. I also hoped it may serve as an outreach to anyone else who is facing this very ominous journey. So far, so good.
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8 Responses to Not Myself Today

  1. sharechair says:

    Be gentle with yourself……

  2. Gwen says:

    Be gentle on yourself, you are allowed to have “off” days. We all have those days. Take care my friend.

  3. I feel very much the same. Chemo’s a month behind me; why don’t I feel peppy again? But you lose a lot of strength and stamina being sick, sitting in hospital rooms, etc. A person needs to be willing to take those baby steps and learn to walk again before they can run like before

  4. I pray those things for you my friend. Allow yourself to rest…

  5. Ah Stacey…..I feel this…..

  6. Judy says:

    Thinking of you. I know how it is on days like that. Sometimes, it just feels like we are part of nature – gloomy and dark; waiting for sunshine. Hoping you feel the warmth and lightness soon!

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