Let’s try this again, shall we?

“Well, Stacey”, said my oncologist yesterday, “I called the big kahunas in Toronto and they had never heard of this reaction.”

She was, of course, referring to my rather abrupt and notable allergic reaction I think I had on Sunday night to my new “remission – prolonging” drug, “Lynparza”.

“One in a million, I am, I guess”, I responded.

“So, we’d like to try this again.  Let’s introduce the drug in smaller doses.  Have your Benedryl handy and go to emergency if things get bad.”

Funny.  Those words were actually of comfort to me.  I was, and remain, desperate for this new drug to be a part of my life now.  For months I did not want to begin.  Now, I can’t wait to try.  Well, that’s a slight exaggeration.  I can wait.  But, I think I’m better off with the pill than without.  And there is that funny balance once again.  I am willing to take a risk – but I don’t want to have to be on steroids to take it.

“I don’t want to put you on steroids”, said Dr. Singh.

So, those words were a bit of a relief.  Yet, what if they work?  What then?  I catch myself thinking too much into the future often.  “Live now, Stacey.” Which would be great if I could do that because right now I feel fantastic.  I am ready to go!  Mornings seem to be slower, but once I’m going I’m hard to stop… well, until 6 pm and then I’m gone again.  Of course.  I’ve had a grand total of 14 shots of chemo over the past two years.  I guess that will slow a person down.  Truthfully, it doesn’t really matter at this stage of the game anyhow. I am not working so I don’t need to rush off and do lesson plans, marking, and prep.  I don’t need to be primed an ready to do a song and dance at the front of the classroom to keep my students entertained while learning.  I don’t have to rush off and pick up dinner to come home and cook while my coat is still on – so that we can rush out to piano, karate, or basketball.  I have time.  Well, I guess I have time.  I hope I have time.  I’ll have more time when I can get this pill working properly for me.

I write this post with my trusty bottle of Lynparza beside me on one side – and on the other sits Benedryl.  I am the fulcrum.  It seems.

I wait for 8:15 am to take two pills.

The last reaction happened six hours after consumption.

2:00 pm will be the witching hour.  Still daylight.  Dr. Singh will still be at work.

No worries.

8:14 am.

It’s now 8:15 am.  It’s time.  I’m ready.

Signing off for now.

Let’s try this again, shall we?


About inmycorner

This blog began as an opportunity to tell my Dad's stories. I sat with him and the computer and together we told stories. It was a wonderful way to get to know Dad. He was 9. He and Mom had a wonderful life together and since she passed away a year and a half before him - Dad was ready to join her. I no longer tell his stories but have found stories of my own. The impetus to resume this blog was the discovery that I had stage 4 ovarian cancer. Since blogging had been so therapeutic for my dad and I to get through our grief, I felt maybe this would be a good outlet to process my situation. I also hoped it may serve as an outreach to anyone else who is facing this very ominous journey. So far, so good.
This entry was posted in acceptance, attitude, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

19 Responses to Let’s try this again, shall we?

  1. Judy says:

    I’ll be thinking of you today, Stacey – on pins and needles – oops, maybe it’s better not to think that way. You’re going to sail through it. I’m crossing my fingers! If you pass this hurdle, I know you’ll be relieved. You deserve to relax a little! Wishing you good vibes and energy today. 🙂

    • inmycorner says:

      Oh, Judy, thanks! So far so good… 4 hours down and 2 to go to match the last reaction. I remain hopeful and appreciate so very much your support. Trying to stay busy… wishing you some good vibes to, my friend. Hope your hives have gone!

      • Judy says:

        I think you’re going to pass this time – you deserve a pass! I’m laughing because my hives would be better except I’ve scratched them so they’re scabby. I put coconut oil on them which helps. I think I had an allergic reaction to some new “copper” socks I wore on Tuesday. Supposedly they help with circulation but I’m not wearing them again!

  2. Best wishes for a speedy and complete recovery!🙏💕💕🙏

  3. karen markovic says:

    Thinking of you! Hoping and wishing for a positive outcome!

  4. karen markovic says:

    Thanksgiving miracle…..

  5. fingers crossed for good news in your next post…

  6. Gwen says:

    Fingers crossed up here for you. Not really sure where I’ve been the last few days. Missed that you had a reaction. Glad that Dr. Singh is still optimistic that these meds will work. Almost makes me feel like “where there’s a will, there’s a way”.

  7. I’m hoping, too for a favorable no-reaction. I can’t help but wonder, since you were painting the last time, whether your hives resulted from the combination — or reaction — of the drug in your system and the paint fumes inhaled. I tend to suspect that because paint fumes bother me so much, but maybe it’s just a wild guess.

    • inmycorner says:

      I wondered the same thing. IN fact, I mentioned it to my doctors.. they didn’t know. But, again, this drug is experimental and no one really knows yet. I have done my job and reported it to the company for future reference. I have not painted again since. grin.

  8. By now you’ve had it in your system. I hope the reaction was a fluke the first time. I hope. I hope. You’re right. Hope is so vital.

  9. Gallivanta says:

    The good thing about coming late to your post and reading from latest to earliest posts is I can read this confident of the outcome! 😉

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