Funny, the things that motivate us.  I never gave self-motivation too much of a thought… until I found myself bribing my own self to do things.  Only then did I realize the true “value” of things to me.

I really didn’t want to get up this morning.  It was dark and it was cold.  My bed was oh, so much warmer.  I could hear the autumn wind blowing just outside the window.  I listened carefully to it to determine if the was rain in the mix.  It was supposed to rain last night.  I listened carefully to hear if it sounded warm or cold.  That’s difficult to determine by a sound alone.. nonetheless, I tried.  And then, I heard footsteps coming up the stairs.  Kevin.  He was bringing me my “coffee”.  I waited.  I anticipated the words.  I readied myself for them:  “Good morning, Princess”. There was my motivation to open my eyes and contemplate a morning walk – it was Kevin.

To get up, though, was motivated by a series of smaller steps:
First:  coffee
Second:  turn on the television to see the weather forecast.
Third:  spot my walking clothes.  It is so much easier to get ready when I have clothes that are ready to wear!
Fourth:  Jazzy (the dog) pacing the floor and whining downstairs.  She heard me get up and she knew what was about to happen – she would get a treat and then a walk!

The walk began in the dark.  It wasn’t cold, but it was dark.  To me, autumn felt upon us, Kevin and I. I lacked motivation to walk.  I felt like one foot dragged in front of the other. I was slow.  I was tired.  I wanted to go back to bed.  There was my motivation:  I gave myself permission to go back to bed once I got home.  The more we walked, the more I felt an intrinsic motivation.  I actually enjoyed the walk.  It seemed to have woken me up.  I touched the leaves on the trees, I smelt the air. “Soon, Kevin, these leaves will have fallen and the trees will be bare”, I lamented.  Their touch was smooth and cool.  They were still firmly attached to the tree.  It was like nature was refusing to succumb to fall.  Even the air lacked the autumnal aromas that typically waft up from the earth.

I noticed the bathroom light was on as we approach home.  David was up.  He would need lunch.  He would need breakfast.  I enjoyed helping him prepare for the day and the anticipation of his good morning hug prevented me from returning to bed.  David’s hugs were the motivation I needed to stay up.

Once everyone was out the door, however, I climbed the stairs and crawled back into bed.  But it was cold.  I closed the windows.  It was still cold.  The thought of a hot shower trumped the hunger pangs in my stomach.  Once warmed up, however, my belly ruled my will power and down the stairs I came once again. A hot bowl of clam chowder soup for breakfast was just what the doctor ordered.

And here I sit, accompanied by my hot bowl of soup and the blog I am writing.  These are my two motivators right now.  I will tire of each soon.  And what I will do next is dictated by what will motivate me most.  I am thinking that I may vacuum as my feet slide across the gritty, sandy floor.  Although she most certainly doesn’t intend it to happen, Jazz brings half the sand from the forest in with her on her paws and her fur.  She lays down and leaves a sandbox behind.  It is easy to figure out where she has been in the house – just follow the sand.

The question remains, however, which is a stronger pull for me:  the sand or my bed?

Suddenly, I remember someone is coming by in 30 minutes to pick up a desk that is in the garage.  Hmm.  Now I’m perplexed.  What to do – which pulls me harder now?  Without too much thought, I have concluded I could sneak in a quick lay down while waiting.  That someone will text before she comes and that will give me time to fix my hair (ha – that’s funny!) and look a little more presentable (find my hat).

Right – where did I put that hat, anyhow?  And now, I am side-tracked from my bed to find that hat!

Motivators… is sure as hell isn’t money these days….




About inmycorner

This blog began as an opportunity to tell my Dad's stories. I sat with him and the computer and together we told stories. It was a wonderful way to get to know Dad. He was 9. He and Mom had a wonderful life together and since she passed away a year and a half before him - Dad was ready to join her. I no longer tell his stories but have found stories of my own. The impetus to resume this blog was the discovery that I had stage 4 ovarian cancer. Since blogging had been so therapeutic for my dad and I to get through our grief, I felt maybe this would be a good outlet to process my situation. I also hoped it may serve as an outreach to anyone else who is facing this very ominous journey. So far, so good.
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5 Responses to Motivators

  1. Judy says:

    Wow, Stacey – your writing is so involving. I can almost feel the cold and want to crawl into my own bed. I completely relate to what you wrote. These days, I’m on my own. I have an adult son and still like to make him lunches, though. 🙂
    I do force myself to walk and it’s usually a good thing. I’m so glad you have a supportive husband to be there for you. Watch out – when your energy comes flooding back you’ll be doing a bunch of projects. I can already see it.
    And if not – I’m glad you are able to write about your feelings and succumb to whatever you want to do! Sometimes, it just feels best to crawl back into bed!

  2. I don’t dare let my husband read this – I totally resist going for walks until at least the sun is up…

  3. You are a motivator Stacey.

  4. Gallivanta says:

    I am sorry to say that, in my case, bed wins every time!

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