Okay – that sucked!

I obsessed last night that my hair was falling out all over my pillow, so this morning I woke up Ben to ask him to shave my head.

“A number 5 should do, Ben, please.”

So he shaved mine and I shaved his.

Still so much fell out in the shower that I had some hair that was “5” while other parts of my head balded.

Back to the back deck and another shave.

“Shave it right off, please Ben.”  I requested.

And that was that.

It may seem simple enough, but it was difficult to bare today.  I’ll be okay.  I know that.  I put on a scarf, some eyebrow pencil liner and some lipstick.  I even put on my Mom’s pearl earrings  I just can’t snap out of it.

I will tomorrow.

Today, I sorted through old photos and discarded the ones that I thought my children would have no use for.  Funny how stress tends to make me want to de-clutter.

Two days until Ben and Kevin leave for Mexico for their swimming race.  I was to go with them.  Instead I’ll be in chemo.  I’m feeling rather sorry for myself.  I’ll admit it.  I’m not too proud to say.  Today – is a down day.

I’ll be okay tomorrow.

Tomorrow, I’ll plant my garden.  Tomorrow I’ll dig in the dirt.  Tomorrow, I’ll put my fighting gloves back on.

I just can’t today.

My hair-razing experience today … sucked.

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About inmycorner

This blog began as an opportunity to tell my Dad's stories. I sat with him and the computer and together we told stories. It was a wonderful way to get to know Dad. He was 9. He and Mom had a wonderful life together and since she passed away a year and a half before him - Dad was ready to join her. I no longer tell his stories but have found stories of my own. The impetus to resume this blog was the discovery that I had stage 4 ovarian cancer. Since blogging had been so therapeutic for my dad and I to get through our grief, I felt maybe this would be a good outlet to process my situation. I also hoped it may serve as an outreach to anyone else who is facing this very ominous journey. So far, so good.
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16 Responses to Okay – that sucked!

  1. Tammi Kale says:

    Just remember you are only human and don’t be too hard on yourself when the bad days roll around……My thoughts and prayers are with you.

  2. Gwen says:

    Tomorrow will certainly dawn bright, hair or no hair. Life gives us many ups and downs, thank goodness when things are down, they also go back up. Hugs to you.

  3. sharechair says:

    Of course you’re down. And with your down-ness, you are also, once again, inspirational with your honesty. I just hope that if we look at each day as on a number line, well, I hope that tomorrow your “point” on the line has moved a bit in the ‘better’ direction. Hugs.

  4. You are allowed to feel sorry for yourself occasionally. Sending love, and hope that tomorrow brings a better day. (By the way, that’s a strong-looking photo).

    • inmycorner says:

      Glad to know there was something strong about me that day, Maureen. Thank you for your kind and supportive words. The next day was “almost” better. Today – looking real good my friend!

  5. Judy says:

    It all sounds so tough and you are entitled to feel down. I’ll be thinking of you while you get through this difficult week of chemo. Glad you can write about it. I’m always so touched by what you share.

  6. Chris o'neill says:

    Hi Stacey, you don’t know me but I am a friend of Wendy Hubbert. I was diagnosed with breast cancer when you were diagnosed back in 2014. I read every post during your treatment as I was going through mine. I worried when you didn’t post, I laughed at times and even cried. As you go through this process, please remember that you’re not going alone, that even strangers are there every step of the way. Your words today really bring back what we have both went through together, even though you didn’t know we were. Wishing that you soar through the rest of your treatment and keep on posting!

    • inmycorner says:

      Oh, dear. And, oh, my. You are right that I am not alone. I’m so happy to “meet” you, Chris. If you are a friend of Wendy’s you must be a pretty damned special person. So glad that you came through your treatments. Here is to a very, very, very healthy future for us both!!!! You are sweet to “come out of the reader” to speak to me. Nice to know you are there – I will keep posting – glad to know I’m not too terribly boring. grin.

  7. Well Stacey. By golly. That just does suck. And there’s no reason it shouldn’t suck. And there’s no reason to not just be fizazled by it all. And yes, I made up that word, just for you.

    I went for a bike ride today. You do know, don’t you, that when we DO meet, it will include a bike ride. 🙂

  8. April says:

    You do deserve a day away every now and then.

  9. LAURA says:

    It’s alright to ha e down days and feel sorry for ourselves, it reminds us we have so much to live for…xoxoxoxo

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