Hair We Go Again

Today’s the day.

I’m ready.

It’s the lesser of two evils:  having cancer, or being bald.  I’ll take being bald, thank-you very much.  It is a very small price to pay for my life.

There is so much to do before I sit in the barber’s chair.  I’d like to “not” be seen bald when buying a hoe so that I can prepare my summer garden.  I’d like to “not” be seen bald when cooking a turkey for family today.  I’d like “not” to be seen bald when helping out at our garage sale.  I guess that’s it.  I can kayak bald. I can swim bald (even better!).  I can walk bald.  I can bike bald.  Whatever. I just can’t talk myself out of having cancer when I’m faced with a bald head.  That’s the problem.

Why is it such a big deal?

It reminds me I’m diseased.

I can’t pretend anymore.  I see it.  I feel it.  This is my third episode of balding and it is still not any easier.

Fuck it.  Fuck cancer.

You know what I mean?

I need to dig my fingers into the dirt today.  I need to go and plant some plants.  I need to get dirty in the garden.  Grounded.  I need to ground myself.  There is something magical about dirt.  I think sometimes that I missed my calling to be a farmer.  I hated gardening when I was young – it was too “dirty”.  Oh, the weeds I had to pull.  Compost… I hated that too.   Now, I stir, mix, and turn the compost containers in the back yard and get excited to see the rich earth that is produced from our kitchen scraps.  What is it about aging and gardening?  The older I get, the more I admire the process of growth.  I admire the earth.  I admire the worms.  How odd.  Yes, I need to dig in the garden today and forget about my hair.

But first, I need a hoe.

 

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About inmycorner

This blog began as an opportunity to tell my Dad's stories. I sat with him and the computer and together we told stories. It was a wonderful way to get to know Dad. He was 9. He and Mom had a wonderful life together and since she passed away a year and a half before him - Dad was ready to join her. I no longer tell his stories but have found stories of my own. The impetus to resume this blog was the discovery that I had stage 4 ovarian cancer. Since blogging had been so therapeutic for my dad and I to get through our grief, I felt maybe this would be a good outlet to process my situation. I also hoped it may serve as an outreach to anyone else who is facing this very ominous journey. So far, so good.
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17 Responses to Hair We Go Again

  1. F* Cancer. Love the spunk!

  2. Judy says:

    Well, I love puns and this had me thinking about how you’re “digging” deep, Stacey. Being “grounded” seems like a most excellent way to cope with cancer. Hope this is all behind you soon and beat this.

  3. karen markovic says:

    Bald is Beautiful…..wish there was a magical cure so you won’t have to endure this! Wishing the best for you! I know we haven’t met and I hope you don’t mind me writing to you! I just feel or have always felt support is so important….

    • inmycorner says:

      Oh, my goodness – mind??? Seriously – Love to hear from you – feel very blessed that you would take time to support me. It does make a difference. You make a difference, Karen.

  4. sharechair says:

    (you are right……… Swimming would be MUCH better bald!)
    But really… three times? So sorry you are facing this again. Well, don’t they say “three times is the charm?”

    • inmycorner says:

      ha ha – yes they do – I suspect after this third time my hair will grow in blonde and I’ll grow tall and thin – and 40 years younger. Right?

  5. Fuck Cancer is right. It’s an ugly disease that fights dirty. I hope you got your hoe and dug that dirt Stacey!

    • inmycorner says:

      Ha – I can’t believe you swore!!! grin. Yup – I fought dirtier today than cancer! I have the stains to prove it – more of that tomorrow, Colleen! Thanks. As always.

      • Hahahahaha….oh Stacey…..I am an avid cusser! 😉

        I even have a tshirt that says FUCK CANCER. I am not offended by that word. It has a power when we want to be forceful. Like now. 🙂

      • inmycorner says:

        Ha – but do you have a sketch??? Grin. Love, love, love it!!!! Makes me laugh to think about you cussing. It does make us feel powerful, right?

      • It does!!!!

        My sister gets SO angry when family members say “oh Colleen never cusses!” 😉 I know when to hold my tongue!

        And maybe that should be our sketch this time? Matching shirts saying fuck cancer !!!!! Whadaya think?

      • inmycorner says:

        ha ha ha…;
        love it

  6. mandibelle16 says:

    Sorry about the hair. Third time that’s really hard. f#%k cancer indeed!

    • inmycorner says:

      Thanks – yeah. I’ve never been bald in the summer before – may need to figure this one out … need to stay cool – yet , you know , fashionable!

  7. karen markovic says:

    Thank you Stacey…..you know when I would walk into RVH or PMH….I would look around and think…. wish I could wave a magic wand and all these tears, unhappiness, worry and illness would just go away…wanted to so desperately feel that there had to be something other then poison, burning and cutting to make all these souls well again…..wanted to believe in miracles….that’s the dreamer and artist in me! You can do this…..you can win!

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