The Chopping Block

“Have you seen it, yet?” inquired Dr. Mason.

“No.  Should I?” I responded.

“Well, it is rather interesting.  It’s about 2 cm and just below the surface of the skin.”

“Can you just cut it right out?” I asked, hoping he’d say sure!

“No.  We can’t do that.”

One needle poke later and three snip, snips later, the biopsy was complete.  It was quite painless, actually.  I was relieved. My liver biopsy had not been a cake walk.  It was deep and the freezing didn’t seem to take.  Add on the fact that it was difficult to breathe, and you have a miserable experience.   A biopsy on my lymph node was not a problem at all.

I think it was the comment about the tumor size that made me breathe a sigh of relief.  I had to shrink my other liver tumors last time to 4 cm before even considering the possibility of surgery.  This tumor – was only 2 cm.  A cake walk.  I think this today was the first time I had actually believed I was going to be okay, that the tumor would shrink to nothing.  It seemed possible.

One wonders, at this point, why one is so fortunate?  At least – to date.  I have good health other than the fact that I am diseased.  I have hope that new medication may prolong my periods of remission.  I take no medication for heart, liver, kidney, or breathing.  I don’t think the nurses quite believe me when I say to them that I have had a lot of pieces cut out of me.  I listed them off today and it seemed to draw a bit of a crowd.  Then, the comment, “you look great”.  I liked that – whether it was the truth or not – didn’t matter.  Hearing a nurse tell you how well you look makes a difference.

My friend Vandie took me today.  She too made friends with the nurses and joked around.  She told them about her trip to Gross Mountain – and how I was supposed to have gone with her.  Again – they were impressed.  Again – it felt good to impress the nurses.

I am mid-way between chemos  one and two right now.  I am enjoying every day.  I feel wonderful.  I am blessed.  I worked hard this past week and it felt good.

I am tired tonight.  Didn’t sleep well last night worrying about the biopsy.  No matter how much I try to pretend it was nothing – my body tells me otherwise.

So – I go to bed, having been there, done it, and having seen it.  Another hurdle behind me.