7:55 am

7:55 am.  It is 7:55 am and I am waiting for 8:30 to arrive.  That’s the time I leave to see my oncologist with results of my CT scan.  What better way to put in time, than writing a post for this blog?

The hardest part about waiting is not staying in the moment.  It is difficult to “not go down that path” towards the “what if’s”.  If I think about how I feel right now, I feel fantastic.  And so that is where I need to stay – in the fantastic.

8:00 am. How are you feeling this morning, Stacey?  Fantastic.

How was your walk this morning?  Fantastic!  Kevin and I first heard him, then we spotted him – a pileated woodpecker!  He was just a baby but man, he could whack that tree with his head.  He must have scared off our cardinal who generally sits sentry in the tree.  (Saw the cardinal later in a different tree down the road.)  Saw a couple of Canada geese sitting on the roof of a neighbour’s house this morning too – crazy geese!  I couldn’t help wonder what it must sound like inside the house when the geese walk around?

With so much fantastic, what could go wrong?  Right?  Funny how my last visit, I was so comforted by my nurse and oncologist by their words which almost foreshadowed the chain of events leading to today.  Shakespeare would have been proud – although this story will not end up in tragedy!  “If something happens, we will have a plan, Stacey”, said Dr. Singh.  Well, I guess today I get the plan.

The lump in my groin is growing.  It is hard to tell if it is just the surrounding tissue responding to the foreign invader or if it is the lump itself that is growing.  Wouldn’t it be nice if the doctors could just “excise” it and that’s that?  That would be my preferred option.  Yes, that would be nice.  On the other hand, I’ve ordered a gazebo for the back yard as a Mother’s Day gift – in case the plan involves treatment that is more invasive.  So – I guess I’ve got it covered (literally – grin).  A gazebo will allow us to sit outside in the back yard this summer – in the shade – WITHOUT those pesky mosquitoes.  The only downside is that it will obstruct the view of the pond from the kitchen window.

Kevin wants to chop down a couple branches of my wild mulberry tree.  I don’t.  I know these branches will produce beautiful berries that will attract the birds.  The cedar wax wings love mulberries.  They are such beautiful, sleek birds, those waxwings.  I don’t know their call – but suspect maybe this summer I’ll learn it.

I’ve also got my request in for a hybrid bike this summer.  Is that asking too much?  ha ha.  Maybe — but if I can get in some exercise without too much effort that’ll be good therapy for me.  Last summer we had such a great time riding our bikes. We even rode from Barrie to Orillia once – such a beautiful ride on one of the hottest days of the summer.  Maybe this year we’ll choose a different day and perhaps respect the forecast?

8:05.  Well, that’s burned 5 minutes.  Katya’s alarm clock just went off.  I’m anxious to hear how her day finished yesterday.  Lately, I’ve been awake when she comes home from work at 12:15 am and she checks in with me.  I move to Ben’s room when I cannot sleep.  That’ll change when Ben comes home this Sunday.  Finally!  He’s home.  That is a sure sign summer is coming.  I must confess his room became a dumping ground this winter as I tried to “edit” the things in the house.  Nothing worse than not knowing what to do with “stuff”.

8:10 am.  My stomach is starting to get anxious.  If I watch the time – it doesn’t seem so shocking when 5 minutes passes by.  My stomach is making some awfully loud noises.  I made David a couple of eggs (a la Ben- style) this morning and decided they looked so good that I’d have one too.  Eggs on toast – with the yolk slightly runny.  Yum. Glad I’m finally getting over my cold.  That was a wicked one which, I believe, was the flu.  It started in my throat and then moved to my lungs.  Initially I thought it was food poisoning – because – well – I needn’t be detailed about that.  I know my body (well, I thought I did) in that when I don’t sleep I get sick.  I didn’t sleep at all for two days as I travelled back home from Qatar.  I guess that virus was floating around in the air system on the airbus and I caught it there.  But, yes, I feel better.  Relieved.  Not sure how my immunity would be once my spleen was removed.

8:15 am.  Speaking of spleen – I have to get some blood work done before my biopsy.  The tests, from the research I’ve done, are to determine how well my blood will clot – or flow.  I remember Mom having to take these same tests once she was on warfarin.  I think, again, not having a spleen can alter blood chemistry and viscosity.  Not sure if that’s the right term, but at this point  – it just sounds good so I’ll use it.

8:16 am.

8:17 am.  Breathe.  Re-focus.  Open the window to hear the birds.

8:18 am.  Do I wake up Katya to wish her a good day?  Is it too early?  913 words.  Sweaty palms.  Cold feet.  Reality sets in.  It’s all good – Message from Vandie.  She is back from her walk too.  She was happy to see no dogs of the leash.  (Glad she did’t see me this morning with Jazzy prancing her way off the leash.  Also glad we go early enough to not be caught – grin)

8:19 am.  Decided to post this now so I can get ready to go.  I’ll go early.  Why not.

8:20 am.  

About inmycorner

This blog began as an opportunity to tell my Dad's stories. I sat with him and the computer and together we told stories. It was a wonderful way to get to know Dad. He was 9. He and Mom had a wonderful life together and since she passed away a year and a half before him - Dad was ready to join her. I no longer tell his stories but have found stories of my own. The impetus to resume this blog was the discovery that I had stage 4 ovarian cancer. Since blogging had been so therapeutic for my dad and I to get through our grief, I felt maybe this would be a good outlet to process my situation. I also hoped it may serve as an outreach to anyone else who is facing this very ominous journey. So far, so good.
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14 Responses to 7:55 am

  1. 8:41 am

    Sitting at work. Taking a minute to check in on my friend.

    8:42 am

    Sending power thoughts!

  2. sharechair says:

    Good vibes only…….!

  3. Gwen K says:

    It must be so hard to wait when you’re so intent on the news.

  4. Love the journey. And especially visualized the woodpecker.

  5. Judy says:

    The suspense here is killing me. I am eagerly awaiting your next post and praying for only good news. Thinking of you!

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