9 Months Today

This is it.

Today is my 9 month check-up.

I have mixed emotions.  Which roller-coaster out of control at times.

This is it.

I hear the verdict this afternoon.

Nothing will change but my awareness of “it”.

Yet – everything will change.

If I am still in remission, I will bike this summer.

If I am not in remission, I will be in seclusion once again.

If I am in remission, I will continue to be involved with my son’s volleyball.

If I am not, I will stay home.

If I am in remission, I will have lunch with my daughter.

If I am not, I will miss our conversations.

If I am in remission, I will embrace my eldest boy as he comes home to visit.

If I am not, I will offer him a high-five.

If I am in remission, I will continue to walk with my husband in the morning, play golf this summer, and kayak with him.

If I am not, I will walk and sleep.

I will lead a life that takes me away from people.

But I will have a shot at life.

I will lead a life that slows me down from doing the fun things I love to do.

But I will have a shot at life.

I have lived 9 months longer than I thought I would.  For that I am so grateful.  During those 9 months, I have grown a faith, a family, a home.  It takes 9 months for a fetus to develop into a baby – to be born and face the world.  Maybe these past 9 months have been my development too.  Am I ready to face the “verdict” today?

I have a life.  I have hope.  I have faith.

I need to accept my fate.

Remission or not.

This is it.

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About inmycorner

This blog began as an opportunity to tell my Dad's stories. I sat with him and the computer and together we told stories. It was a wonderful way to get to know Dad. He was 9. He and Mom had a wonderful life together and since she passed away a year and a half before him - Dad was ready to join her. I no longer tell his stories but have found stories of my own. The impetus to resume this blog was the discovery that I had stage 4 ovarian cancer. Since blogging had been so therapeutic for my dad and I to get through our grief, I felt maybe this would be a good outlet to process my situation. I also hoped it may serve as an outreach to anyone else who is facing this very ominous journey. So far, so good.
This entry was posted in cancer, Cancer Journey, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to 9 Months Today

  1. sharechair says:

    Thinking of you and sending all the positive thoughts I can muster!!!!

  2. Gwen K says:

    Fingers crossed and prayers sent that the verdict is positive.

  3. Stacey….<3 Prayers. Thoughts. Hope.

  4. Gallivanta says:

    Sending every good wish.

  5. pepe says:

    All the best Stacey and praying for you..!!

  6. tessie says:

    Faith prayers and trust in God will save you

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