Phantom Female Syndrome

My biology no longer defines me

I find myself alone in my new – but used – body

It seems to experience growing pains every once in a while

My mind plays tricks on me

And believes I am still who I once was

I am unique  – sometimes very alone – sometimes lonely

How can I ache where I do not exist?

Menopause has not turned a blind eye to me

I flash, I anger, I cry

Freedom from the female biology does not include the mind

Where the blue print for “me” in indelibly written

So that I may suffer from a phantom female syndrome

A daughter, a wife, an aunt, a mother

All of these things I am and will always be

I am blessed with this history of nurturing, caring, empathizing, and homesteading

My biology may no longer define me

Still, I flash, I anger, and I cry

I am a shadow of my once self

A phantom female who has disappeared into the night

Advertisements

About inmycorner

This blog began as an opportunity to tell my Dad's stories. I sat with him and the computer and together we told stories. It was a wonderful way to get to know Dad. He was 9. He and Mom had a wonderful life together and since she passed away a year and a half before him - Dad was ready to join her. I no longer tell his stories but have found stories of my own. The impetus to resume this blog was the discovery that I had stage 4 ovarian cancer. Since blogging had been so therapeutic for my dad and I to get through our grief, I felt maybe this would be a good outlet to process my situation. I also hoped it may serve as an outreach to anyone else who is facing this very ominous journey. So far, so good.
This entry was posted in cancer, life, women's issues and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Phantom Female Syndrome

  1. Interesting, how we interpret such changes. Personally, for me after surgery, it was freeing. No longer controlled by pain and frustration. True, that surgically induced menopause has its issues, but it freed me from so many more!

    Your writing is so powerful Stacey!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s