I feel like a trapped animal today. My colleagues are back at work, back contributing to society. Here I am. At home. Sipping coffee. It seems my living conditions are quite wonderful. I have shelter, food, space, water. Yet – my mind is not free. I need to teach.
I have had a decadent morning. It was raining and so my husband and I did not walk. We have walked in the rain in the past – I still may – but it was dark. I had a choice to stay where it is warm and cozy. I tuned in to the weather to check the forecast as I can tweak my day’s activities according to the weather. So many choices. I could bike, hike, walk, kayak. I could shop, dine out, go to a recreation centre, or even visit a friend. Yet – I am not challenged. I need to teach.
I have been productive. I washed dishes, I drove my son to the bus, I cleaned a cupboard, and I did laundry. There are a million chores that await me. I have to pay some bills, change a light-bulb, clean the fridge, and even weed the garden. Yes – I can be productive from now until the cows come home. Still – I need to teach.
There is a growing refugee crisis students need to know about.
Climate change is impacting the world in more dramatic ways.
There is an election, whose issues need to be discussed and challenged.
Students need to know how to express their opinions in a manner which they will be heard.
I want to teach students to read critically, to not believe everything they hear, to shop with caution, to eat well, to exercise, to challenge authority in a productive manner.
Democracy is eroding – that cannot happen.
There ARE strategies that can be applied to help people with a learning disability.
There is hope for our world.
Poverty can be solved.
Happiness can be achieved.
Kindness is key.
It is essential to forgive so that one can live well.
I need to teach. I need to work. I need to help.
Still – I remain trapped. My brain won’t let me. I struggle with dead-lines, I suffer anxiety with multi-tasking. I get tired easily and need to rest. My words escape me. I forget names, and dates, and places. I solve only one-problem at a time. I get confused. How long will it take for me to recover? When can I return to my old self – if ever? My world is very near. I want it to expand – but feel fenced in – – I need to teach.
BUT – I am positive. I count my blessings. I have my life. I will push on and continue to try. I have support, love, and encouragement from family and friends. I need it. There are days when others pull my through. My community is strong when I am weak. I need others to teach. For now. I pass the torch. But not forever. Let them ignite learning for others. Let them spark interest in politics, history, life. Let them – let others learn.
I need to learn – to let go, to trust, to have faith.