I need to teach

I feel like a trapped animal today.  My colleagues are back at work, back contributing to society.  Here I am.  At home.  Sipping coffee.  It seems my living conditions are quite wonderful.  I have shelter, food, space, water. Yet – my mind is not free.  I need to teach.

I have had a decadent morning.  It was raining and so my husband and I did not walk.  We have walked in the rain in the past – I still may – but it was dark.  I had a choice to stay where it is warm and cozy.  I tuned in to the weather to check the forecast as I can tweak my day’s activities according to the weather.  So many choices.  I could bike, hike, walk, kayak.  I could shop, dine out, go to a recreation centre, or even visit a friend.  Yet – I am not challenged.  I need to teach.

I have been productive.  I washed dishes, I drove my son to the bus, I cleaned a cupboard, and I did laundry.  There are a million chores that await me.  I have to pay some bills, change a light-bulb, clean the fridge, and even weed the garden.  Yes – I can be productive from now until the cows come home.  Still – I need to teach.

There is a growing refugee crisis students need to know about.

Climate change is impacting the world in more dramatic ways.

There is an election, whose issues need to be discussed and challenged.

Students need to know how to express their opinions in a manner which they will be heard.

I want to teach students to read critically, to not believe everything they hear, to shop with caution, to eat well, to exercise, to challenge authority in a productive manner.

Democracy is eroding – that cannot happen.

There ARE strategies that can be applied to help people with a learning disability.

There is hope for our world.

Poverty can be solved.

Happiness can be achieved.

Kindness is key.

It is essential to forgive so that one can live well.

I need to teach.  I need to work.  I need to help.

Still – I remain trapped.  My brain won’t let me.  I struggle with dead-lines, I suffer anxiety with multi-tasking.  I get tired easily and need to rest.  My words escape me.  I forget names, and dates, and places.  I solve only one-problem at a time.  I get confused.  How long will it take for me to recover?  When can I return to my old self – if ever?  My world is very near.  I want it to expand – but feel fenced in – – I need to teach.

BUT – I am positive.  I count my blessings.  I have my life.  I will push on and continue to try.  I have support, love, and encouragement from family and friends.  I need it.  There are days when others pull my through.  My community is strong when I am weak.  I need others to teach.  For now.  I pass the torch.  But not forever.  Let them ignite learning for others.  Let them spark interest in politics, history, life.  Let them – let others learn.

I need to learn – to let go, to trust, to have faith.

About inmycorner

This blog began as an opportunity to tell my Dad's stories. I sat with him and the computer and together we told stories. It was a wonderful way to get to know Dad. He was 9. He and Mom had a wonderful life together and since she passed away a year and a half before him - Dad was ready to join her. I no longer tell his stories but have found stories of my own. The impetus to resume this blog was the discovery that I had stage 4 ovarian cancer. Since blogging had been so therapeutic for my dad and I to get through our grief, I felt maybe this would be a good outlet to process my situation. I also hoped it may serve as an outreach to anyone else who is facing this very ominous journey. So far, so good.
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13 Responses to I need to teach

  1. Jan says:

    I wish I had had more teachers like you, Stacey, with your sense of commitment and dedication and enthusiasm!

  2. Dawna says:

    Yes I agree— Education is the key to understanding, awareness and knowledge and you are educating people as you write. The understanding of mind and body as you go through your journey with cancer. The awareness that you send out to others as you describe your life before, during and after cancer. Your knowledge on how to describe and place your words so that others can understand. You are still teaching but with a different subject — LIFE’S JOURNEYS and I applaud you for your courage in continuing to help/teach others.

    • inmycorner says:

      Thank-you, Dawna. I guess you know all about that. You have had such an illustrious teaching career yourself during your talks about your daughter and abusive relationships. I wonder if you could have turned all those presentations into a blog – you most certainly have traveled down a life journey yourself. And I applaud you.

  3. pepe says:

    we really need more teachers like you….stay strong, one day you will teach soon 🙂 until then work on making yourself fit again..

  4. Gallivanta says:

    Is it up to you to decide when you want to go back to teaching, or do you have to get clearance from your doctors or the agreement of your union?

    • inmycorner says:

      I have to respect the decision of my doctor and union at this point. THey ask me how I am so I do have input. I know I’m not ready. I wish I were. I hate not teaching. But – I do not want to relapse. I may volunteer in another month or so – just to see if I can handle the atmosphere – but I don’t do well yet in crowds or pressure.

  5. RoSy says:

    Even if not in a formal classroom setting – you are teaching Stacey. You teach us about life, hope & spirit when you share your stories & your journey.

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