Just under my skin lies a fear, a dread, that something awful is going to happen.
I took a shower to relieve a sore shoulder muscle
And out crawled the memory of the showers I took to relieve pain.
I didn’t think I had held onto those memories
In fact, I’ve worked hard to put them away.
It was a dark time, if the truth be known.
With many long nights
And much fear and prayer.
I let my guard down – just for a moment – to indulge my aching shoulder.
Cancer gripped me once again – at least the shadow of cancer
It lingered and awaited.
Surprise! Not gone. Well, gone – but not forgotten.
The body has seemed to heal more quickly than the mind
Which plays tricks – nasty tricks – selecting a perfect time of vulnerability.
Just under my skin lays the memory
Brought to the surface with the mere trickle of hot water.
That dread – that something awful may happen –
It stifles me and defies me to break free.
Sadness and fear – I must push them back in order to live
One apple spills the cart
There is much work yet to be done – and much life yet to live.
But now I know what I need to face – just under my skin.