Try again tomorrow

Which one do I choose?

If I choose to walk – then I am a walker.

If I choose to not walk – then I need one.

Is it is a choice?

Is it not a choice?

Walking used to bring me to a better level of fitness

Now, it seems, walking hurts my fitness.

I used to benefit from a good, stiff work-out as my muscles responded to exercise in a good way.

Now, I do myself damage by a good stiff work-out.

At what point does one admit the need for a walker?

I still am of the opinion that exercise can cure all – it always did before.  I always recovered.

Mom never wanted to use a walker as she thought she didn’t need it.  She thought her body would “recover”.  I saw it as the next step – that age prevented her from ever recovering.

Will I ever recover?  Will I need a walker?  I refuse to think so.  Is that what keeps me trying to do more, to get better, to get back to normal?  Is that what kept Mom going – her refusal to think she would not get better?

Perhaps that would have been a better attitude to support – to discourage the use of a walker?  In that way, maybe it would have encouraged her to maintain her attitude towards healing and living.

I don’t want a walker – or a hand-capped sticker.  I will recover.  If I get a sticker, I feel like it is an admission of defeat.  Yes, I know that’s crazy.  I know it is foolish.  I know what I used to tell my Mom.  “It is just in case – it is part of your healing.”  Hog wash.  It isn’t.  It is an obstacle of the mind.  I am too young.  I am too healthy.  I am too arrogant and proud….

I get it.  I finally get it.

But – the thinking is flawed.  I know it is.  I feel my heart sink, however, at the thought of not being able to walk easily again.  It cannot be.  It has to be temporary.  Right?

Me?

Admit defeat?  Never.

I’ll try again tomorrow.

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About inmycorner

This blog began as an opportunity to tell my Dad's stories. I sat with him and the computer and together we told stories. It was a wonderful way to get to know Dad. He was 9. He and Mom had a wonderful life together and since she passed away a year and a half before him - Dad was ready to join her. I no longer tell his stories but have found stories of my own. The impetus to resume this blog was the discovery that I had stage 4 ovarian cancer. Since blogging had been so therapeutic for my dad and I to get through our grief, I felt maybe this would be a good outlet to process my situation. I also hoped it may serve as an outreach to anyone else who is facing this very ominous journey. So far, so good.
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12 Responses to Try again tomorrow

  1. YES! Tomorrow you will try again! I used a walker when I was knocked off my bike by a dog and my hip was broken. I used that walker to get to my stationary bike and lifted myself up on that and pedaled on that because it’s all I could do. So pedal I did. And walk with a walker I did. Until I didn’t need it. I know you’ll try again tomorrow Stacey! And the day after that! And I love love love the banner picture!!!!! 😀

    • inmycorner says:

      Thanks, Colleen. Good to know that “you” have been there – done it! Of course you did – you are strong and strong-willed. Hoping that will be me. Bravo. And thanks for the kudos on the banner.

      • I’ve been enjoying all of those banner pictures. 🙂 I like how you change them up. I love your playfulness in them. And, uhm, talk about strong willed….take a peek in the mirror. I bet you can’t look without seeing yourself. 😉

      • inmycorner says:

        I’ll give you “determined”. Maybe stubborn. I love playing with the photos – I wish I had your artistic proclivities, though!

  2. kiwiskan says:

    Just keep going. As for me, I’m not walking today – it’s too cold and wet. 🙂

  3. Gwen K. says:

    “Just keep swimming”.

  4. Gallivanta says:

    Yes, try again tomorrow. 🙂 A walker doesn’t have to be in your future, but, in some cases, a walker can help a person obtain some exercise when mobility is limited. And with increased mobility comes less need for support and so on and so forth. Exercise, however you get it, is the key!

    • inmycorner says:

      Yes. I agree – at least I’ve always felt exercise is the key – no so sure it is this time as I seem to have exacerbated my tendons – maybe need to moderate my activity more. In any case – one step forward every day! Thanks for the painting tips, btw! Plans to give it a whirl this week – will let you know what happens!

  5. Tom Graves says:

    Isaiah 40:31, “But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; and THEY SHALL WALK, AND NOT FAINT!!!”

  6. RoSy says:

    I love that you keep the faith & hold on to hope.
    “I will try again tomorrow.”

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