I woke up feeling anxious this morning. I’m not sure why. I looked outside for clues – but the only thing I saw were the leaves on the trees.
And then I saw the leaves on the trees. Yup. There they were. When did they erupt? How did I not notice? Honestly, in the blink of an eye – they went from buds to full leaves. They were there – soaking in the sun. Today – they are resilient against the wind that has blown in over night.
It had been such a kind and gentle day yesterday. The pace seemed slow – I was even slower. It was to be, however, the pinnacle – the turn-pike, the u-turn preparing me for today.
Today – it is cooler. I feel lost. I am sick for the first time since I started taking care of my health to prepare for my battle against cancer. I’m not worried about being sick – I’m worried about not being able to recover. It is now that a cold is unfamiliar territory and I wonder how “life” will be without a spleen to help me. I don’t know how well my immune system has recovered. There are just so many unknowns. I feel uncomfortable.
Today – is the last day before my daughter leaves for two months in Europe. I think I have just about realized that she is an adult. I know I need to let go. She, like the leaves, seemed to be just a “bud” only yesterday and in the blink of an eye is facing the harsh winds of change that may challenge her. How is it possible? I have tried, all of her life, to help her grow – I’ve plucked out the weeds in her life in an effort to allow her to reach the sunshine and thrive. There comes a time, I guess, when the gardener must step back and say, this is a job well done. I am struggling now that she has grown. Life has zoomed by. I am shocked by the leaves.
Today – I must open my eyes and not blink.