Sometimes – there are moments when…

Sometimes

There are moments when

It seems so unfair

Why me?

I guess I’m just like everyone else who feels sorry for themselves

Sometimes

I resent the spring and all the wonderful things it brings

Especially when I am so tired

I have no interest in enjoying its beauty

And then

Sometimes I feel guilty that I have this attitude

When so many others suffer around the world far worse than me

I have been granted a new life

And I am supposed to feel lucky

Yet

I am sad, I am lost, I am winded

I worry, I think too much, and I push too hard

I want so badly to think positively when I feel that I am drowning in self-pity

Please

Forgive me this moment

This moment to grieve

The loss of my innocence, my health, my ignorance

Forgive my thoughts that centre around me

I’m sad when I think of myself

And so

I need to step outside of myself

To get out and breathe

To see the beauty that God has granted me this day

As though it is mine alone

I will be an audience for this production

I applaud, I support, I encourage

In doing these things for others, I am also doing them for myself

Sometimes

There are moments when

I feel if I close my eyes

I’ll disappear

But

I want to awaken to the day

Thank God for the day

And continue to count my blessings

To give, to contribute, to live

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About inmycorner

This blog began as an opportunity to tell my Dad's stories. I sat with him and the computer and together we told stories. It was a wonderful way to get to know Dad. He was 9. He and Mom had a wonderful life together and since she passed away a year and a half before him - Dad was ready to join her. I no longer tell his stories but have found stories of my own. The impetus to resume this blog was the discovery that I had stage 4 ovarian cancer. Since blogging had been so therapeutic for my dad and I to get through our grief, I felt maybe this would be a good outlet to process my situation. I also hoped it may serve as an outreach to anyone else who is facing this very ominous journey. So far, so good.
This entry was posted in cancer, journal, life, Poetry, therapy and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Sometimes – there are moments when…

  1. kiwiskan says:

    Pretty normal feelings after such trauma…

  2. pepe says:

    its normal only stacey, we all have this moment…
    and after we have this feeling, we start to think ‘why am i thinking in this way, when i have so many things to be grateful about’, so its normal..don’t feel guilty or anything..just take your time, even though its hard..

  3. I agree with the others. Pretty wonderfully normal.

  4. Dawna says:

    Many a time I felt the same way Stacey—-as others have said “very normal”

  5. RoSy says:

    All normal feelings & questions to have.
    Hang in there.

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