Wait to wake

Everything is still.  Everything is calm.  Everything is quiet.  The world waits to wake up.

I’m tired.  But, that’s okay.  Today – I can rest.

Even the birds are quiet.  The clouds have blanketed the sun from birds’ views and lulled them back to sleep it seems.  They nestle snug in their beds.  They wait – until it’s time – time to get up, time to fly, time to do.

David is off to school and Kevin is off to work.  The morning kerfuffle is now over.

Ben and Katya are still sleeping, presumably.

Grandma is up having her breakfast.

There is a calm in the air.  Wait.

There are a million things I could do – but am not.  The mind is willing but the body is unable.  Not yet.  I need to wait.  I’m not sure, yet, just what I am capable of doing.  But, that’s okay too.  I have a sense of recovery.  I am waiting to be recovered.

I am one of the very lucky ones.  I wonder why?  More and more I hear about those who were not so lucky.  To be healthy is such a gift.  To become healthy is more of a gift – its more of a blessing.. a miracle perhaps.  Wait.

For how long?  Really, no one knows.  I am no different.  It’s just I feel I’ve tasted death – if that’s possible.  It numbed me.  I fell away from life for a short while and am now waiting to wake.  It tired me.  I’m still tired.  It is a content sort of tired, though.  Don’t ask me to do much.  Don’t ask me to think.  I am too green to grow and too porous to retain.  With time… I’ll awaken and heal.  I must wait.

I love the calm.  I love the quiet.  I love the still of the morning as we both awaken and wait.

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About inmycorner

This blog began as an opportunity to tell my Dad's stories. I sat with him and the computer and together we told stories. It was a wonderful way to get to know Dad. He was 9. He and Mom had a wonderful life together and since she passed away a year and a half before him - Dad was ready to join her. I no longer tell his stories but have found stories of my own. The impetus to resume this blog was the discovery that I had stage 4 ovarian cancer. Since blogging had been so therapeutic for my dad and I to get through our grief, I felt maybe this would be a good outlet to process my situation. I also hoped it may serve as an outreach to anyone else who is facing this very ominous journey. So far, so good.
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8 Responses to Wait to wake

  1. You have put into words exactly how I felt four years ago after I finished chemo and my doctor told me I was in remission. It takes time but I eventually got over the tiredness and I am grateful every day to be one of the lucky ones to survive. Good luck to you.

  2. Gallivanta says:

    Enjoy the waking time. And luxuriate in having time to heal.

  3. Dawna says:

    Time will be your healer Stacey.

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