The Beginning of the End

I am anxious to start so that it can end.

As much as I want the chemo – I equally don’t want chemo.

It is a necessary evil.

Three more needles – three more three weeks.

I think I can.  I’ve done it before.

I am ready – but I’m not.

It is the beginning of the end and almost more challenging than the beginning itself.

Endurance.  Courage.  I had more at the start.  Now, I’m getting tired. This is the measure of grit.  Do I have what it takes to see this thing through till the end?

The last lap – I can see the finish line.  It takes so much to push through the pain to “win”.  How much do I have in reserve to see this thing through?  I have no more time to train.  I have no more time to think.  I am in the final stretch.

To cross that line takes all I have.  It has been a roller-coaster marathon.

It is tougher to finish than I had imagined.  That final stretch is long.  My spirit is tapped.  No rest yet.

I must take a deep breath in to tackle the beginning of the end.

About inmycorner

This blog began as an opportunity to tell my Dad's stories. I sat with him and the computer and together we told stories. It was a wonderful way to get to know Dad. He was 9. He and Mom had a wonderful life together and since she passed away a year and a half before him - Dad was ready to join her. I no longer tell his stories but have found stories of my own. The impetus to resume this blog was the discovery that I had stage 4 ovarian cancer. Since blogging had been so therapeutic for my dad and I to get through our grief, I felt maybe this would be a good outlet to process my situation. I also hoped it may serve as an outreach to anyone else who is facing this very ominous journey. So far, so good.
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9 Responses to The Beginning of the End

  1. Gwen K says:

    Keep the finish line in your sights, don’t look back – keep forging ahead.

  2. April says:

    You can do it! Keep your eye on the goal and remember just how much you have endured.

  3. I understand a little how you feel. My oncologist says, “Let’s just wait.” (As in, “You’re not sick enough yet. When your condition gets worse, then we’ll treat your leukemia. When you have so many more issues going on, then start chemo.”)
    And I’m thinking, “Start already! Let’s get this over with so I can get back to life again!” I don’t want to sit here six more months — or another year — waiting to get sick enough to be treated. Like you, not looking forward to the “three drugs by IV” treatment, but wishing it over with. Trying to learn patience.
    My one comfort: Researchers are working steadily to improve treatment. Maybe in a year new drugs, more effective ones, will be tested and ready to use. I’m so thankful to have recently found a very helpful blog about CLL and NHL.
    Wishing you much courage, patience, and that those three weeks will fly by as you go through chemo.

  4. kiwiskan says:

    Yes, when the end is tantalizingly close it is hard to throw off the weariness. But you will do it!

  5. Alan Baglien says:

    Lean forward, I don’t think this will hold you back either!

  6. That look in the banner picture seems to go perfectly with this post. Cheering from here!

  7. pepe says:

    Hang on there, you are almost there at the last line…!!!

  8. Gallivanta says:

    I will lend you a few deep breaths!

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