I was walking with another friend this morning (Susan) and she asked me to explain how I saw my journey up the hill to the railway tracks yesterday. (https://billduff.wordpress.com/2015/01/17/getting-back-on-track/) Specifically – could I explain if I was referring to faith? If so – what did I have faith in? She explained a story she had heard that had inspired her question. The story involved a little boy who was learning to swim. He was standing on the edge of a diving board looking to jump in the water. He was scared. His mom, who was waiting for him in the pool, was encouraging him to jump into her arms. He jumped because he had faith in her. He trusted her. “Stacey, what do you have faith in? What do you trust?” Susan asked.
That was a good question. I kind of stumbled through the answer. “I think I have faith in the journey.” I replied. “I think there is a reason I am on this journey – I just don’t know why. The path is already set for me. It is how I choose to navigate the path that will make a difference in the world or not.”
I guess I also trust my doctors. I have to. I am putting my life in their hands. I am the little boy on the diving board who is afraid to jump into the pool. Will the doctors catch me? Will I sink or swim? I know I have to jump.
That hill we encountered yesterday represented the challenges I have encountered through this journey with cancer. I had to pause about 2/3rds of the way up the hill to really catch my breath. I wondered if that is where I am now as I am about to receive my “verdict” about surgery? I climbed further to reach the summit – and when I was there realized that the journey was not over. The train tracks continued to stretch on further and I had many choices with respect to which way I was to travel, how fast, and where the tracks headed. The path was always there – the only thing that changed was my perception of them.
This is the same as my journey with cancer. I have cancer. The challenge is there. And there will be a summit. Will the summit be surgery – or no surgery. Whatever it is – the road will still be there in front of me. My journey will not end. I will still have choices to make. There will still be opportunities to take. It is what I choose to see or not see that will make the difference. I have no idea what will happen – but I have faith that there is meaning in the journey itself. I am “jumping into life” into the arms of something or someone I trust.